Friends, Enemies, Frenemies

My great friend and comrade in pieishness, Cat Fences, was kind enough to provide these thoughts on our friends.
 
 
Cat Fences: a quiche on the streets but a pie in the sheets. Cat Fences is the Pierates’ resident pun master, part-time rapper, inspirational public figure and international super spy. She is not to be confused with Cat Hedges, the famous singer who wrote the hit song ‘Jane Eyre’ as a homage to the novel of the same name.
 
 
Rosamund M. Danny: Our founding father. Enthusiast of pies, writer of blogs, mother of dogs, builder of bridges, speaker of languages, reader of books, learner of vocabs. Without Rosamund M. Danny, Pie Day Friday would not exist – and what kind of world would that be?
 
 
Tori Escum: One day he hopes to be a Member of Pieliament. He changed his name from Throckmorton in order to cater to Hispanic voters, and now spells his name with an ‘i’ in order to cater to flamboyant voters. He seems aloof but is rich and warm at heart – like a pie. His most striking features are his gravity-defying hair and his moustache, of which he is most proud. He possesses the amazing ability to turn anything into a pielitical discussion.
 
 
Toboggan Pigeon: Morally opposed to the consumption of flesh. That sounds ideal, but is actually rather problematic when it comes to the consumption of pie, as it means his pies must be filled with plants. In our narrative, the character of Toboggan Pigeon is representative of the struggle between morality and sinful desire; the pie is symbolic of temptation, and throughout the course of the novel Toboggan struggles with the desire for food, which goes against his desire for animals to love him. The narrator uses the character of Toboggan to controversially tell the reader that pie always trumps morality.
PS: Cat Fences asked me to highlight her mad English skills at this point. A*, Cat Fences. A*.
RMD
 
 
Pearl Kalfseer: A reformed ballerina; now campaigns against tutus on a national scale. When not providing her friends with sage advice, Pearl likes to relax by baking, speaking phlegmy languages and posting Aristotle hate mail to every address in the Yellow Pages. Her two cats, Poofy and Boogly, feature heavily on her Snapchat and in her heart. She is widely accepted to be the ‘Annie Edison’ of Pie Day Friday; that is, intelligent, caring, and attracted to an older man.
Graffit Anghofiominot: yw arbenigwr preswyl Celtaidd “Ffraidei of ddy pai”. Mi oedd hi wedi ei enni yn cysgod y ffatri tarmac ac mae hi wedi tyngu dial ar y diwydiant difethaf ei plentyndod cyfan. Y mae hi’n hoffi mynd am dro ar y traeth a’i ci unllygeidiog, ei eiddo mwyaf gwethfawr yw model ar raddfa o’r llong ser “Enterprise”, wedi ei seinio gan neb llai na brawd yng nghfraith Patrick Stewart.
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