The Siblinghood of Pies

As mentioned previously on this blog, in recent months the mysterious Pionic Elders have been gradually releasing hitherto classified information about the upper echelons of pieday friery.

Whilst the Elders claim their goal is to promote transparency and address corruption claims, critics insist there is more to the story. Some go as far as to call this publication of top secret documents a distraction from the High Piest’s alleged perverted penchant for quiche.

Ew, quiche.

Here at, we have taken a solemn oath not to report on such salacious rumours, and thus, until the High Piest makes a statement or compelling evidence if found, no stories of this nature will be featured. It’s a question of taste – journalistic, as well as culinary.

That aside, the documents released this week may be of interest to any pie enthusiasts, because they pertain to the oft-mythologised Siblinghood of Pies.

Renamed from the Sisterhood in 1954, apparently in order to be more gender-inclusive and pie-centric, the role and very existence of this mysterious group has been hotly debated for centuries. Now, at last, a manuscript recounting the very beginnings of the Siblinghood has been released.

Stock photo of Rome

The following is a completely unabridged reproduction of a scroll dated at 15 BC (Before Crust). It seems that the piece is an extract from the diary of Maxpiemus Crustimus, one of the Western world’s first ever pie eaters.

Ides of June

Salve Commentarius,

Woke up at the sixth hour & went to the latrine. Wiped my bottom with a sponge stick, you know, like we do in Roman times.

Had a breakfast of rabbit ear pie with sparrow heart gravy. Very tasty. But I feel a GREAT SADNESS. Not just because the earless rabbits kept hopping around and looking at me.

O, Pie is a delight that aches to be shared! How much longer can I feast alone?? If only I knew someone else who would pie with me, rather than dining alone, in secrecy, as I must now.

Moped about the house a bit thinking about gladiators & sacking Carthage & other imperial business. Decided to call on my friend Julius & ask if he wanted to colonise most of Europe with me. Hid my pie equipment before leaving; can’t be too careful.

When I knocked on Julius’ door, there was no answer. Fearing the worst (that he had been killed by a volcano or large fire), I entered & rushed through the atrium & other rooms with Latin names.

Julius was in the courtyard — eating a cow udder pie with a jus of sows’ eyeball!!!!!! He was horrified to be caught, but I immediately confessed that I, too, had partaken of the pie.

We promised to keep each others’ secrets & Julius says there may be more of us. Have decided to meet 4 times a moon to eat pie together – but now we must decide on a day … ….

Fascinating little glimpse of history there.


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